I have been scared to write for some time now because I fear that I cannot do my thoughts and feelings justice with my limited vocabulary and ability for expression. And so, I have not. I have found endless excuses to do work of all kinds, except writing. I have justified that I have nothing to say, that the words will come when they’re ready, that no one reads my work anyway. I have gotten up from my desk to eat, shower, read, eat some more, check Instagram, run errands, clean my house, eat again, take my dogs for a walk, organize my junk drawer, pick up new hobbies, stare at the wall, count sheep, get drunk, complain that I have no time – any manner of ridiculousness but writing. Yet … this is just resistance, and ultimately, I know that.
Therefore, as I sit here choking out these words, feeling somewhat resigned to a force I can no longer hold back, I am reminded of Steven Pressfield’s thoughts on fear:
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
So… with that, here we go.
The Intuitive Woman is a concept I have been exploring for some time now. Birthed out of my own neurotic, myopic history with “health,” I realized somewhere along the way there had to be a better way. A way that was richer, more meaningful and less full of angst and anxiety. Less worry and more peace. Less future-tripping and more presence. More love for life.
Because, as it were, all the best food, all the right exercise, all the quality sleep and all the tailored supplements in the world could not fill up the giant, missing piece of the puzzle that was connection. Specifically, connection to Her (the intuitive one), and through Her, connection to others as well. Because that is what we are here for. To connect. To love. To share. To uplift. To create. Not to “be healthy.” Not to chase the perfectly toned body that functions without fault. Not to become so well-tuned that we hardly resemble humans anymore. Not to circle tighter and tighter on the intricacies of blood chemistry and meal timing and lab work. No, that is not our purpose. That is not who we are as women.
Because, there was once a time in history when Woman was not what she is today…
When she was not sick, angry, overworked and unsure of herself. When she was not insecure, overly emotional, dependent or scared of her sexuality. Not meek, angry, a pushover, irritable or exhausted. No, there was once a time when Woman was intuitive, sensual, knowing and absolutely sure of her place in the scheme of things. When she exercised her power adeptly but with care and felt equal but different from her male counterparts. However, this woman, the woman that we are all so unfamiliar with, has never existed in civilization, for the powers that created society - colonialism, patriarchy and religiosity – are the same powers who drowned her in the sea and burned her at the stake. She died a ruthless death as the first cities were built upon her tears and protests, and we have never fully regained our access to her. Until now. Until now when the Era of the Sick, Angry and Tired Woman is coming to a head. Until now, when the rates of autoimmunity, chronic illness and mental disease that are overtaking our bodies and minds have reached unprecedented rates and we are waking up to our own pain for the first time in centuries. Until finally, the war of our grandmothers and their grandmothers, grandmothers is ready to begin it’s closing.
It is here, now, that we can and must begin our journey back to her. Our journey back Home. Because a woman at home with herself, is the healthiest woman in the world. A woman at home with herself knows which foods will nourish, which movement will vitalize, which relationships will strengthen, when to rest and when to push forward, when to speak and when to listen, where to direct her energies, which questions to ask and how to find the answers to them. She uses plans or protocols for health as inquiry, not solution and sees health as a means to an end – as a way to stand more strongly in her power as she ascends to her purpose here. This is the way of the intuitive woman who moves through life knowing she has a compass inside her. Knowing health is the foundation upon which the rest of her life exists, but not her life itself.
At this point, it would be easy to mistake this woman as “the perfect woman,” however, she is anything but perfect. Not because she is not perfect in her essence, but because she is not impervious to mistakes, doubt or insecurity: all things we would consider imperfect if we’re looking through scrupulous eyes. No, the difference between this woman and the woman most of us embody is that she knows where to turn when things get sticky. She knows that turning inward – coming back home – asking the collective She – not the voices outside - is the path she must take back to center. That she will become grounded once again by reaching out to the eternal wisdom that burns brightly in her center.
But how do we get to know her? How do we begin the journey back home? How do we reconnect with her timeless knowledge?
We make space. This is where the work begins, simply by making space. She will show when we make space, for this is her nature. And yet, our modern world encourages anything but time and space. In fact, most of us are scheduled from the moment we wake up to the moment we lay our heads down at night, and never once do we check in to see if we can hear her little whispers. And so, to get to know her, we invite her in. We find our willingness to believe in her. We question: Could she be real? Could she be in me? We carve out small parts of our day to connect with her. We make meeting her a prioritized part of our routine. Through meditation, quiet time, journaling, coffee breaks, nature walks and time alone, we show her our devotion. And we understand that, like any relationship, this one will take time. We won’t know all of her funny quirks all at once. We probably won’t understand what she is saying or hear her voice clearly. In order to make sense of the path we’ve started down, we may label ourselves “empaths” or a seekers to feel worthy of her wisdom. Or perhaps we’ll revolt when we don’t like what she has to say, writing her off as “woo-woo” bullshit. That’s okay. The thing is, she doesn’t have any prerequisites for us to meet. No demands, no parameters. We can call her and reject her as many times as we need or want, because she isn’t going anywhere. She is us and we are her. One cannot remove one’s heart, so we must get to know Her. In her, we will find our health.